The Tale of Athens Polytechnic and The Land Lord

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the generic London punk venue WHAM!...

... That's right, everyone's favourite George Michael and Andrew Ridgely tribute act Athens Polytechnic have been getting into more trouble with 'The EstablishMANt', and I will record it here, on this very blog, for posterity and because Paragon Management Inc. (Reg. Cayman Islands) think that 'mindless violence makes the kids think you're cool'. So, here we go....

It was a bitterly cold night, the inky blackness, spilt by the sun on its way down now began to slip and squirm from one end of the horizon to the other, drenching the rusting cranes and empty wharfs of South East London with it's all-engulfing void. The wind cracked the punks' leather jackets and caused studs to fall from belts outside The Bird's Nest, shivering yet undaunted hands grasped pints of Strongbow and licorice roll-ups like they were the very elixirs of life.

It was here that five young men disembarked from the barge that had brought them this far, less than a second after the last to depart's foot had hit the jetty the garbage-laden hulk shuddered into life and with a blast of its horn the seemed to chill the bones of all who heard it the S.S. Explosive disappeared back into the night.

The intrepid rock 'n' rollers of Athens Polytechnic then proceeded to plug in, turn up and rock out, drums galloping like the cavalry, flanked by the pikeman of the guitar poking any ear drum close enough and the archers of the bass, sending nebulous arrows of noise out to mix with avant-garde vocal regiments, those scouts, those spies, those saboteurs of sound.

And the people could see that it was good.

But one man did not like it. A man who had gorged himself fat on the sweat, blood and tears of his workers, a man who had lined his stomach and his wallet with the distress, misery and horror of people who just wanted to see a punk band play punk rock but had to come to his dank hovel (he called himself 'The Land Lord') to do so. This man did not like it one bit.

He ran at the band, arms out-stretched, screaming the blood-curdling bark of Cerberus, the seven headed hound of hell, fists flailing and the silver grip of his pistol poking out of his belt and gleaming in the moonlight. But Athens would not be intimidated, they knew full well that their mission was to rock the fuck out, and like the fine upstanding Brits they are, they knew that to abandon such an important mission would be shame and death.

BANG! WHAM! CRACK! A fist flew, a guitar flew, a drum stick flew, a leg flew, a bottle flew; our heroic guardians of rock and roll unleashed all the had to give and The Land Lord had no reply, his gargantuan body jiggled as it fell to the floor, bleeding from the head, dribbling from the mouth, leaking from the urethra. He shouted something incoherent, he reached with the last of his fading strength towards the Heaven he believed had cursed him so cruelly. But it mattered not. All the kids and punks and music fans and decent human beings of South East London stepped over his semi-conscious frame to embrace Athens Polytechnic.

And Athens Polytechnic saw that it was good.

LYON!

come to this slags! (attendez le gig du rollin' rock jezabellz)

wet your whistle.

Yo, some new tracks from the 7" are now up at on our myspace. Give them a listen and see if you fancy parting with £4 (incl. P&P)* of your hard earned to own a legit first pressing when it's released**. We humbly think you might.

I'm also gonna post up a review of the Offset show that appeared on the artrocker site because it makes us sound well good (and Paragon Management Enterprises Ltd. said that we had to in order to feed 'the buzz' surrounding 'the group' right now), so here it is...

"Into a tent next for the blindingly wonderful Athens Polytechnic, who are a Roadrunner cartoon come to life. Twin vocalists scream their lungs out, wrestle with each other, improvise dance routines and chase the audience around the tent. Amidst the carnage is a thrash version of Kraftwerk’s ‘The Model’. Second TotW – the inspired and non-obvious cover version. They are also the only band today with a chorus that goes “We want you for the Cameron youth!”

Athens Polytechnic are bloody marvellous and put a smile on my face for the rest of the day."

And then it goes on to talk about some shitty bands that use weird little DJ things with turny bits instead of guitars.

There's also a whole fuckin' gallery of pics from our set here, it's one of those set ups where you click on each picture and it moves on to the next one: Just like iPhoto! Below is my own personal 'best of the bunch' which not only makes me look like I have a steriod neck as fat as my head but shows off the hairdressing skills of my flat mate Kayleigh, I mean, look at those layers!

*or buy it from Rough Trade records for £3 and endear us to the big boys.

** First week of October sometime

offset is done, 7" to come.

Offset is done. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Some of us saw The Monotonix and agreed it was the best show we had ever seen. Some of us saw Bo Ningen and agreed it was a bloody good show. We all saw Lovvers and danced until we cried. Aimee got her tooth knocked out during Trash Talk. The term 'shitty nifter' entered common parlance. I even saw The Mystery Jets (don't ask). But we have to put all that behind us now, Offset is done.

The show in Ipswich also ruled, huge thanks to everyone who lives at Harland Street for letting us stay and everyone who attended Baxtoberfest IV, we would come back again like that .

Our debut EP 'Selling Out Fast!' is being pressed right now by burly men wiping sweat from their brows at the heart of a natural furnace too close to the centre of the earth for normal specimens of humanity to bare (how many more times can I mention that?)

Few shows coming up here and there but watch out for The Montague Arms on the 23rd of Sep. We're along side the mighty Waxing Captors and local legends Buffalo in SE London's finest ale offering venue. Do it.

For the meantime, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Tommy!

get involved

TONIGHT: Ipswich

TOMORROW: New Cross Inn

SATURDAY: Offset

Don't make us miss you x

girl in hat doing kid dynamite covers

check this shit out

it is the greatest, whatever your favourite Kid Dynamite song is, she's almost certainly covered it. I came to mock, I stayed to cum.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiHsCJG85RU

The worst thing about the marriage was the lies

"If the spirit moves ya, let me groove ya" Marvin Gaye

"We don't talk business at the table" Sunny Corleone

"Surely he was the son of God" Roman Centurion

The summer is nearly over, the carnival is leaving town and a cold east wind is blowing across the dunes. I truly wish that The Athens Polytechnic Band had something more to offer than this Necros video, but we don't. We promised you shows, we promised you recordings, we pretty much promised you a rose garden and yet here we stand, empty handed, unshaven, with someone else's lipstick on our collar...

...However, if hollow and meaningless words are your sort of thing I can exclusively reveal that AP will be playing at Grrrnd Zero in Lyon with the mighty No Age on the 22nd of October (with more European dates [perhaps] to be confirmed). Also, the start of that fated month beginning with 'O' will see the release of our debut 7" on Lost London Records. We're planning a show/launch party for it so make sure you get down to that and get ripped off by a cunning Entry+Vinyl offer. More to come.

Anyway, we're off to Offset for the coke and indie-bitches. In a while crocodiles!